scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
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