She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Randomize
