I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
