I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
In other news, I just burned my penis
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
