Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
