Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize
