Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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