Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Randomize