So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
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