is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
