yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Randomize
