I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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