Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
