OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
