well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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