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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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