covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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