i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
