So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
