i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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