idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Randomize
