If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Randomize
