I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
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