So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
