And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
BRING THE BAGELS
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
