i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
