In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
