Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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