Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize