Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Randomize
