her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
