is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
