Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I just gift wrapped bread.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
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