Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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