apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
