News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
