True but thats because hes a fetus.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Randomize
