..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Who died my cat blue again?
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
We smell like vodka and hangover
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