Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
