Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
