I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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