This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
