don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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