Kiss
Puke
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
