About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
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