I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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