Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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