Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
