I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
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