he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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