dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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