none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
