i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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