well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
