Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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