maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Randomize
