he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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