is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize