Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
