he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
