WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
3 2 1 whiskey
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize