I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
