So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
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