Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
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