i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
He? As in you personified your dick?
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
