but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
