MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
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