Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
