my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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