Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
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