Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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