I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize