'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
