under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
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