I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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