I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
