Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
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