Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize