WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
So gin and wine won't be happening again
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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