..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
