OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize
