4 words: hood of his car
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Randomize
