Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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