i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
worst night to have a conscience
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
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