Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Randomize
