I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
