I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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