What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize