im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
