5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Everclear isn't food dammit
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Randomize
