theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I skipped work to stalk him.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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