I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
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