I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
