So drunk its hurt
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
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