I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize