I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
You can't special order awesome
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Randomize